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Spinthariscope

Other high scorers are melt-in-your-hand aluminum-destroying gallium and tritium-powered glowsticks. Lawn darts are toward the other end.

Hypothesis Generation

Frazzled scientists are requesting that everyone please stop generating hypotheses for a little bit while they work through the backlog.

Captain Picard Tea Order

We can ask the Earl for his order once he's fully extruded from the dispenser.

Hydraulic Analogy

Current (water) running through the water (wires) causes it to boil, increasing the pressure (voltage), but resisting (impeding) the flow of hydroelectricity (water currents). This is the basis for Ohm's law.

Alien Observers

ALERT: Human 910-25J-1Q38 has created a Youtube channel. Increase erratic jerkiness of flying by 30% until safely out of range.

Alien Mission

Fine, we can go search the Himalayas for the Yeti ONE more time, but keep a safe altitude over the Pacific and PLEASE watch where you're going. We can't afford another Amelia Earhart incident.

Autoresponder

I ADMIRE HOW YOU SET BOUNDARIES AND I HOPE YOUR COLLEAGUES RESPECT THEM! PLEASE SPARE MY LIFE!

What If? 2

CLARIFICATION: By 9/13, I mean September 13th, not the 9th day of Jancember, the cursed 13th month that exists between December and January in the transdimensional temporal plane.

Control Group

Placeble 228 x/6n⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜n⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜n⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜n⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜n⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜n⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜

Sea Chase

There are two rules on this ship: Never gaze back into the projection abyss, and never touch the red button labeled DYMAXION.

Sword Pull

Merlin really shouldn't leave his dirt bike lying around.

Tractor Beam

Did you base the saucer shape on pop culture depictions of aliens, or was that stuff based on your ships? Does the rotational symmetry help with ... hey, where are you going?

Rest and Fluids

Remember not to take it easy. Put a hot washcloth on your forehead, remain standing, and breathe dry air while taking lots of histamines. You need to give your body a chance to get sick again.

Health Stats

You will live on forever in our hearts, pushing a little extra blood toward our left hands now and then to give them a squeeze.

Data Trap

It's important to make sure your analysis destroys as much information as it produces.

Chorded Keyboard

And even though it all went wrong / I'll stand before the lord of song / with nothing on my tongue but 'I don't understand, I swear I backed up my keyboard config before messing with it'

Headline Words

Roundly-condemned headlinese initiative shuttered indefinitely.

Rounding

I've developed a novel propulsion system powered by loss of precision in unit conversion.

Greek Letters

If you ever see someone using a capital xi in an equation, just observe them quietly to learn as much as you can before they return to their home planet.

For the Sake of Simplicity

For the sake of simplicity, gardeners are assumed to move through Euclidean space--neglecting the distortion from general relativity--unless they are in the vicinity of a Schwarzschild Orchid.